“You give it to him.”

“I am not giving it to him, it is not my turn.”

“Go give it to him now or I’m telling my mom.”

“Tell her then, I don’t care. I’m still not giving it to him.”

“We have to though, you know that, one of us does, that’s what He commanded and all. New messages come in, one of his sons and ONLY one of his sons may bring it to him. We are the only ones here.”

“I don’t have to listen to him, he’s not the boss of me.”

“He is God and your father, of course you have to listen to him.”

“Why?”

“Because he commands it, and he’ll destroy you if you don’t”

“So he’d kill his own son, just for not listening to him.”

“No I guess not, probably get a good spanking though.”

“Shat, I’ve had tons of those, got me a tuff rear I do. Not worried about no spanking.”

“Well I know he’ll kill a son if he’s really bad. Remember there was that one long ago we read about in history class?”

“Oh the one that thought he was so great and tried to take over and all that? What ever happened to him, was that the one he killed?”

“Yep that one. Got ‘lasered to fire’ like the prophesy said.”

“Ouch.”

“Yea, that would suck.”

“No coming back from that.”

“My mom got lasered once. It was rough but she deserved it I guess. For sassin’ back and all that. She hasn’t done it since.”

“Yea, my mom just got lasered last week.”

“Ooo, how’s she doing?”

“Better.”

“He’s not really God you know. Ya see, he’s just this guy who says he’s God.”

“Yea, everybody knows that, but don’t you dare say it to him!”

“Yea, or anyone for that matter, if he gets wind of it, you’ll get lasered for sure.

“Ok well I don’t want to get lasered even just a little bit and neither should any of you, so we better figure out who is going to deliver this message.”

“It’s not gonna be me.”

“I think he wants us to get lasered, he seems to enjoy it. He’s kindof a jerk you know.”

“Don’t let him hear that either.”

“Yeah, he lasered my arm off the other day just for eating the last of the cheesecake. It really hurts.”

“Look we all know he’s a jerk, but none of us want to get lasered or anything, so we just mostly do as he tells us.”

“Doesn’t he tell you to do some pretty bad things.”

“They’re not all bad, sometimes they are alright.”

“Yes! I took a food ship out to the Bavorian sector last month to quell a riot.”

“Didn’t you end up lasering all that food in front of the starving minions as a warning or something?”

“Yep, sure did! And there hasn’t been any trouble since, so that was good then, right?”

“Sometimes, I like doing bad things.”

“What would make you say a thing like that? How can you like doing bad stuff?”

“Don’t know, just do. The other day I looked at a girl for an entire minute.”

“Whoa! And?”

“Nothing, not a thing. She was pretty.”

“So your eyes didn’t burn out or nothin?”

“Nope”

“Whoa!”

“Whoa”

“For reals?”

“No way”

“You know I look at a lot of girls too, now that you mention it.

“Same here”

“Me too”

“Aren’t girls supposed to be only for Dad to look at and your eyes burn out if you look at them for more than a second?”

“That’s what they taught us back in my day.”

“Same here”

“Me too”

“You guys are a bunch of idiots.”

“What? Why?”

“Ok so back to the point. Who’s going to take this new message in to Dad? One of us has to.”

“Alright we draw straws? That good for everyone?”

“I gots da crayons.”

“Shut up, you!”

“Even me?”

“Yes, even you.”

“Alright I guess, but if I get it again, I’m not doing it next time.”

“Ok fair enough. Here we go.”

Sometime later there was a knock on the open office door of Zarlogg the Great, Emperor Trans-Galactica and Only True God of the Universe.

“What do you want? I’m busy.”

“Um here dad, this just came in.”

“What is it?”

“It’s a message.”

“What is it about?”

“Well I think you should read it yourself, universal business and all that.”

“Is is bad news?”

“Is it ever anything but?”

“Are you being slack jawed with me?”

“No! No sir. I would never.”

“Read it to me.”

“It’s kind-of long.”

“How long?”

“It’s pretty long.”

“Would it take longer than 2 minutes to read it to me?”

“Oh yea definitely, at least 5 maybe more.”

“Ok fine, paraphrase it.”

“Well it’s about that girl you were looking for.”

“The Girl! Why didn’t you say so earlier? What about her?”

“Well, there’s a high probability that she’s been spotted out past the Flebulonian cluster. Seems like this chick got locked in a storage container and had to cut herself out. Happened way out in the boonies of some backwater galaxy but the inner circuit picked up the local news feed and rebroadcast it. It kinda went viral. It’s all over the place now.”

“Shatted Shite. Just what I need right now when I finally started getting everyone settled down from the last rebellion. A farking prophetic girl… Great. How sure are we that it’s the actual girl? What’s the probability.”

“Pretty low, but higher than usual. The computer puts it at 28% but only based on visual imaging. There’s no DNA sniffers anywhere out there.”

“Alright so… Assassins already been called?”

“Yep, all the best ones.”

“Did you get Zildgen?”

“No actually… Zildgen was out uh… sick, we got Zghon though.”

“Ok good, he’s almost as good as Zildgen.”

“Yep and all the rest too. We will let you know when anything new comes in.”

“Alright alright, good. Hey hows your mom?”

“Uh she’s doing ok, still pretty pissed about being lasered, but the cloning regrowth is at ninety-something percent. She’ll be done cooking in another day or so.”

“Alright good. Hey um, would you order some flowers for her and put my name on them?”

“Well I really think that’s something you should do, don’t you? I mean you are the one who lasered her and all.”

“Yes, I suppose you’re right, wait a sec, HOW DARE YOU QUESTION MY JUDGMENTS!”

“Ok ok, don’t get in a huff, I’ll do it.”

“That’s a good boy. Hey what kind of flowers are her favorite again?”

“Uh Tulips, I think.”

“Ah Tulips, yes yes. Get her some of those.”

“Ok, I will. Card?”

“What was that?”

“Would you like to get her a card, you know to go with the flowers?”

“Yes of course, can’t go sending flowers without a card now can we?”

“No, no indeed. Um, any special message or anything you want me to put in the card?”

“Oh you just come up with something, you know her best anyway. Write something nice.”

“You don’t want to just give me a couple words really quick and then I can sort out all the little details and stuff…”

“Oh this is really becoming more of a bother than I had thought. I mean what’s the point in lasering someone if you have to go through all this afterward?”

“Well you know, I just think it’d be nice if it actually came from you for once.”

“Alright, alright. Farking kids. Tell her… sorry for the lasering, and I hope she likes the flowers.”

“Ok ok, that’s good, that’s a start. I’ll go get on that!”

“Um son?”

“Yeah Dad?”

“What do you say before you leave your old man?”

“Oh yes, Praise Zarlogg the Great forever be thy name, something something of the universe something.”

“And what else?”

“Oh, uh, I love you.”

“I love you too son. Now get out of here, I have works to perform.”